damian + turion

[110906] words for you, for us...

Somehow, it seems to me... the conversation we had that august night never occured at all... perhaps i thought too much, assumed too much, hoped for too much and even craved too much... for acceptance, for a chance... a possibility of something that might never be fulfilled...

i admitted that i still missed you after much probing and encouragement from a mutual friend and surprisingly you replied in kind... my spirits soared, my heart fluttered and my hopes raised... wishing and hoping against hope that perhaps a US was possible... i didnt think i would be accepted back at once, that i know at the very least but i was glad at perhaps the mere chance at another shot for a relationship to work out...

Questions were asked back and forth about that faithful september day in school... answers were given, forgiveness was asked for and forgiveness given... further insights into the many months since we went our ways... you asked for time, that i understood and you had someone else in mind... perhaps... but someone who had made you cry on more than a few occasions... you were proud of me you said for i've never made you cry... even when we were together for the short 7 months... our quote: "A loving relationship is one in which the loved one is free to be herself, to laugh with me but never at me; to cry with me but never because of me, such a relationship is based on absolute trust and can never grow in a jealous heart" stands true... You cried once because of me... i know that i've hurt you and for that, i've been haunted by guilt... hurting you was never my intention but i know that any apologies and sorrys of mine will not erase any of the hurt and pain you endured in the past...

i woke up the next day to a sweet sms, i smiled silently... bringing back memories of happier days... the days passed with the odd sms here and there and when time permitted and both of us were free, we chatted online... your nicks while online gave clues to many things, of your thoughts of your current predicament... but one stood out against the rest... "I see him waiting yet i do not go to him, im right here waiting yet he does not come to me" i tried to think nothing of it but it still lingered in my mind... maybe i was just someone to fall back on, a safety net so to speak... might the him that was waiting, was me? i would never know i guess.. it maybe just another random nick or maybe i just think too much...

August came and went along with your birthday... it was nice seeing you again admist your chaotic day as the birthday gal... running here and there entertaining everyone but i was glad to see you as happy as you were enjoying yourself, no doubt you have found a great bunch of friends to be with... september soon came along... you're performing in october... i have no doubt in my mind, you'll perform to the best of your abilities and be magnificent on that night...

You'll be tied down with your preparations for the musical and im enlisting tomorrow... guess both of us will be busy... perhaps it was wrong of me to assume, to hope... perhaps the chapter was already closed.... too many perhaps and IFs... im tired... but silently, im still hoping when perhaps i shouldnt that perhaps, just perhaps... there could still be US...

What do you do when the water runs dry? when your greens and your blues turn into black and white, it's the story of my life ~ Frankie J - Story of my life

I long for the warmth of days gone by, when you were my mine but now those days are memories in time ~ Boyz II Men - 4 seasons of lonliness

Dont wanna try dont wanna try dont wanna try no more, you keep insisting when you know our love is out the door ~ Frankie J - Dont wanna try

let's not wait til the water runs dry, we might watch our whole lives pass us by let's not wait til the water runs dry and make the biggest mistake of our lives dont do it baby ~ Boyz II Men - Water runs dry

Yesterday's memories