damian + turion

[120309] turion the old of heart

i feel old... not physically... im feelin old mentally and emotionally... just feel so burdened and disheartened... have no idea where all these feelings are coming from but i feel as though im aging faster than im supposed to be. im just tired i guess... physically, mentally and emotionally drained... actually, to say im drained would be a wrong statement, it feels more as though im devoid of feelings, indifference on my part...

i guess it really hit me hard this feeling of age when i was sitting at the void deck drinking beer and eating peanuts with redfox last night, somehow the scene seems comical bordering on the rediculous but there we were, a 25 and 24 year old, doing what we've seen middle aged men do at void decks since the HDB flats were built in the 60s.

if boredom could kill, i would be dead a thousand times over. I've been rotting at home for the last 5 days... doing nothing but gyming, eating, sleeping and surfing net. some of you may view this as being enjoyable but to me, it was pure torture, i guess i enjoy being occupied and having things to do even if it's work. I just cant stand being idle and not having any plans for the day and instead waste it by just rotting at home. sighz.. there's another block of 10 days / standby where once again, i fear, boredom would overwhelm me.

Im allocated leave next month. 1 whole week. the mere thought of it sickens me. Im terrified by the prospects of doing nothing and rotting at home. sighz...

Yesterday's memories