damian + turion

[201105] I find it wholesome to be alone the greater part of the time. To be in company, even with the best of friends or loved ones, is soon wearisome and dissipating. I think I have come to accept and like solitude. I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude. We are for the most part more lonely when we go abroad among men than when we stay in our chambers. A man thinking or working is always alone, let him be where he will. Solitude is not measured by the miles of space that intervene between a man and his fellows. The really diligent student in one of the crowded hives of Cambridge College is as solitary as a dervish in the desert. The farmer can work alone in the field or the woods all day, hoeing or chopping, and not feel lonesome, because he is employed; but when he comes home at night he cannot sit down in a room alone, at the mercy of his thoughts, but must be where he can "see the folks," and recreate, and as he thinks remunerate himself for his day's solitude; and hence he wonders how the student can sit alone in the house all night and most of the day without ennui and "the blues"; but he does not realize that the student, though in the house, is still at work in his field, and chopping in his woods, as the farmer in his, and in turn seeks the same recreation and society that the latter does, though it may be a more condensed form of it.

It is a cliche that we can feel lonely - even particularly lonely - in a crowd. Unfortunately it is one that is only too true and all too common in life. In school, surrounded by people of a similar age and, supposedly, with lots in common we can nevertheless feel wretchedly isolated and awkward. It was extremely disappointing and sad to learn that none of my classmates bothered or remembered to inform me that a class last week was changed to a different venue, had I not met some folks from the neighbouring class, I would have missed the class entirely, oh well *shrugs* aint exactly the first time that had happened... the sourness of being excluded, somehow the same old quote runs through my mind,

"if you find yourself struggling with loneliness, you're not alone. Yet, you're so alone. So very alone."

I just love the irony of the quote but then again, it's all so true, a little too true at times. I affirm to my beliefs that you'll never find a life long friend, they're there when you are there in the same period of transition as they are and during that time, you offer each other support and companionship when there might not be one but as the years pass, you'll all move on, different paths in life, different ideals, different lives.

"In the equation that is life, death is the only constant"

Death remains when all others perish, disappear or are lost. Love can be broken, friendships shattered, kinship severed, it's not impossible, death however always remains, abidding its time when it'll come in and end the wretched lives of individuals. My life is invoked around a web of solitude most of the time but do not be quick to pity me or mock me, for one can learn to live with and enjoy solitude though I admit I do hunger and yearn for company, acceptance & someone's touch. Guess we all do. "No man is an Island" A pretty simple quote taught to me by my teachers back when i was in primary school. I beg to differ, everyman IS an island. No one's gonna look out for your six except yourself. In this competitive world, trampling and stepping over another fellow human being is as common as breathing and eating. No one is gonna moan about the fact that you're gone, or you've been eliminated from the rat race. No, they'll be happier, bigger slice of the pie for them. That is how the world works, no emotions, no integrity. Enough of my rumblings.... been a pretty quiet week, nothing much to blog about.

I spent friday afternoon reading in solitude in the library, enjoying the book i had in my hands, emersing myself in a ficitional story, into the gloomy streets of New York City. That's the beauty of books and an imagination, you get to leave from where ever you are and transport yourself to where ever you want. A picture says a thousand words yet i think imagination can set you free from all boundaries. The class outing was decent, Mrs Mark has a very nice place, pretty posh and cosy as well. The dinner was nice, catered food with prawns, rice, mee and the durian puff was superb. After morning meeting on saturday at PA, went to meet JJ, YH and QH to walk around town for a while before i proceeded to Raffles mrt. I sat at the steps for 2 and a half hours, with my mp3 playing the same song on repeat. I just sat on the steps and listened to the song & observed the passing crowd. Of the groups of friends laughing, joking away, of the couples in love, hand in hand walking and talking to each other. Met up with Khai and Raja for dinner before heading over to fluid's, they had a gig of some sorts there, very noisy with 2 groups playing, half of the time, i couldnt even understand what they were shouting (or were they singing? if they were, they were doing it very badly) Newcastle lost to chelsea yet again, 3-0 this time round thanks to Titus Bramble yet again. Took NR1 home, the ride would have provided a nice time to reflect and think but i was too tired, slept til i reached yishun. Oh well, another week beckons, onwards with my miserable life, counting down...

Yesterday's memories