damian + turion

turion at 23:02

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

[200606] hello, hello.. are you ok?

Am i feeling alright these couple of days? My brain's telling me im fine... i still talk to people, still laugh, still smile still do all the usual things i've been doing... but lotsa people around me are asking if im alright... especially at work, think i've been asked by at least 4 or 5 colleagues if im alright... so the question is, "Am i feeling alright?"

The answer: I seriously have no idea

i've been too quiet and not like myself these days they say... define myself to me please to begin with. Hell, i not even sure what im like, let alone you people... perhaps, it's the one where i joke all the time and smile and laugh and make lotsa noise? perhaps... how do you judge a person? by the way he/she acts normally or most of the time?

Do we risk the possibilty of taking the facade and recognising it as their true personality? how do one know if a person's usual mannerisms arent a representation of their true character and is simply a facade? Through the eyes, you might say... the cliche saying of the eyes are the windows to a person's soul... do you see anything in my eyes? Sadness? Depression? Hoplessness? Contentment? Resentment? Ambition? Determination?

Win asks if im feeling emo... i dunno.. perhaps...

Hazel thinks im feeling depressed or sad... perhaps...

What do I think? I think i feel ok... perhaps... who knows anyways?

Perhaps, im just tired... deep down inside so very tired... tired of? I dunno... a heavy heart perhaps... i said i felt drained... still do though i cant really put my finger on what's the exact cause... i think i know, but then again, i think i know so it might not be that afterall... i think im talking in riddles.. or maybe im just sprouting nonsense...

Bon Jovi - Bed of Roses

Sitting here wasted and wounded
At this old piano
Trying hard to capture
The moment this morning
I dont know
cause a bottle of vodka
Is still lodged in my head
And some blond gave me nightmares
I think shes still in my bed
As I dream about movies
They wont make of me when Im dead

With an ironclad fist I wake up and
French kiss the morning
While some marching band keeps
Its own beat in my head
While were talking
About all of the things that I long to believe
About love and the truth and
What you mean to me
And the truth is baby youre all that I need

I want to lay down on a bed of roses
For tonite I sleep on a bed on nails
I want to be just as close as the holy ghost is
And lay down on bed of roses

Well Im so far away
That each step that I take is on my way home
A kings ransom in dimes Id given each night
Just to see through this payphone
Still I run out of time
Or its hard to get through
Till the bird on the wire flies me back to you
Ill just close my eyes and whisper,
Baby blind love is true

I want to lay down on a bed of roses
For tonite I sleep on a bed on nails
I want to be just as close as the holy ghost is
And lay down on bed of roses

The hotel bar hangover whiskeys gone dry
The barkeepers wigs crooked
And shes giving me the eye
I might have said yeah
But I laughed so hard I think I died

When you close your eyes
Know Ill be thinking about you
While my mistress she calls me
To stand in her spotlight again
Tonite I wont be alone
But you know that dont
Mean Im not lonely Ive got nothing to prove
For its you that Id die to defend

I want to lay down on a bed of roses
For tonite I sleep on a bed on nails
I want to be just as close as the holy ghost is
And lay down on bed of roses

turion at 01:06

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

[200606] Im invisible in the eyes of the world

Oh, oh, oh, yeah

You can hardly wait to tell all your friends
How his kisses taste sweet like wine
And how he always makes your heart skip a beat
Everytime he walks by

And if you're feeling down
He'll pick you up
He'll hold you close when you're making love
He's everything you been dreaming of, oh baby

I wish you'd look at me that way
Your beautiful eyes looking deep into mine
Telling me more than any words could say
But you don't even know I'm alive
Baby, to you all I am is the invisible man
Oh, you don't see me baby

You probably spend hours on the phone
Talking 'bout nothing at all
It doesn't matter what the conversation
Just as long as he calls

Lost in a love so real, and so sincere
And you'll wipe away other's tears
Your face lights up whenever he appears

I wish you'd look at me that way
Your beautiful eyes looking deep into mine
Telling me more than any words could say
But you don't even know I'm alive
Baby, to you all I am is the invisible man
Oh, you don't see me baby

I see you all the time baby
Huh, the way you look at him
I wish it was me, sweetheart
Boy, I wish it was me
But I guess...

I wish you'd look at me that way
Your beautiful eyes looking deep into mine
Telling me more than any words could say
But you don't even know I'm alive
Baby, to you all I am is the invisible man
Oh, you don't see me baby

I wish you'd look at me that way
Your beautiful eyes looking deep into mine
Telling me more than any words could say
But you don't even know I'm alive
Baby, to you all I am is the invisible man
Oh, you don't see me baby

Oh, oh, oh, oh baby
The invisible man
You don't see me girl
But I love you
Yes, I love you
The invisible man
Oh, oh, oh, yeah, yeah
The invisible man
Baby, baby, baby, yeah
The invisible man

Ever felt like you were just another person? Does your existance mean anything to anyone? Your friends? Your family? Your loved ones?

turion at 12:22

Aries the Ram
March 21st - April 20th

Aries is the First Sign of the Zodiac, the point where it begins its cycle on the Vernal Equinox. Thus, it is the herald of the Astrological New Year. Symbolized by an animal of great courage, Aries is related to dawn, the Season of Spring, and the beginning of life. Much like the Spirit of Spring, those born under Aries are forever looking forward, never backward. In essence, Aries governs leadership and initiative, as well as using energy to make things happen. Aries subjects are vital, instinctual and forever young...the perpetual Children of the Zodiac who are constantly in search of identity. These are joyful, dynamic, assertive, outspoken and brave individuals who celebrate life, but who can also be intolerant, impatient, impulsive and overly-emotional. There is a deficient capacity here for self-reflection and a tendency to take ill-considered risks. Those born under the Sign of Aries should strive to direct their power toward mature and constructive ends, as well as attempting to master the slow process of self-education, if they are to bring to fruition the projects they begin with such elemental enthusiasm.

Also known as the Sign of the Pioneer or Warrior, Aries is Positive in polarity (as are Gemini, Leo, Libra, Sagittarius and Aquarius). The general characteristics of Positive Signs broadly match those for the extrovert personality and such individuals are naturally more impulsive, buoyant, communicative and sociable than are the Zodiac Signs of Negative polarity (Taurus, Cancer, Virgo, Scorpio, Capricorn and Pisces). However, Positive Signs rarely display the same levels of sensitivity or the same depth of understanding of emotional subtleties as do their Negative counterparts. Positive Signs tend to crave excitement and thus, are inclined to direct their energies outward into the world around them. Aries is the most flagrantly extrovert of the Positive Signs (with Sagittarius a close second).

All Zodiac Signs governed by the Elements of Fire and Air are considered to be Masculine in nature. Thus, Aries (ruled by fire) is considered Masculine (as are Gemini, Leo, Libra, Sagittarius and Aquarius). Masculine signs are traditionally conceived as being more active and less receptive than their Feminine counterparts which are ruled by the Elements of Earth and Water (the Zodiac Signs of Taurus, Cancer, Virgo, Scorpio, Capricorn and Pisces). Masculine Signs focus primarily on spirituality and activity...both in the physical sense and mental sense. Masculine Signs are said to be diurnal or day-oriented. Therefore, the term "masculine" should be viewed in the same light as the Yang (or bright) Polarity of the Tao.

Aries is the natural ruler of the First House of the Zodiac, commonly referred to as the "House of Self" and known in Vedic Astrology as the "Horoskopos" or "Helm." This is the field of experience in which an individual is challenged to develop his or her own unique personality and present it to the world. Traditionally, the First House is associated with self and personal appearance...how an individual wishes to appear outwardly (with regard to both physical appearance and personal style, which may or may not be consistent with the inner self). It is associated with look, moves, gestures, body language and how a person appears to others on a superficial or "first impression" level. Essentially, it is the projection of an individual's "image." Early childhood is also ruled by the this House...everything from a toddler's initial steps to a young person's view of the emerging world. The First House is governed by the Planet Mars.
The opposite sign to Aries is Libra. From Libra, Aries will learn to cooperate, share and bring people together in harmony. Thus, can Aries natives learn to express their ideas actively but tactfully and, in so doing, find much needed balance.

Positive Traits: pioneering, adventurous, energetic, courageous, enterprising, confident, dynamic, quick-witted and freedom-loving
Negative Traits: selfish, quick-tempered, impulsive, impatient, foolhardy and undiplomatic
Likes: action, challenge, spontaneity, championing causes and coming in first
Dislikes: waiting, tyranny, failure, lack of opposition and the advice of others

Innerself

Those born under the sign of Aries are friendly creatures with a forceful manner, a firm handsclasp and an instant smile. They are naturally humorous and quick of wit, enjoying music and entertainment. As students, they have the ability to apply whatever they learn to good advantage. Individuals governed by Aries are a courageous leaders, genuinely concerned about the welfare of those they command. Being a responsible soul, it is rare that those ruled by Aries will use a subordinate to obtain their own objectives...but it does occasionally happen. Aries is much concerned with self...both positively and negatively. This self-reliant characteristic can sometimes lead to a self-centered attitude, with a tendency to be overly-concerned with personal advancement and physical satisfaction.

Leaders of the pack, Aries individuals are the first in line to get things going. Whether or not everything is accomplished is another question altogether, for this Sign prefers to initiate and would rather leave the completion process to somebody else. Blessed with personal magnetism, Aries subjects are able to rally supporters to a cause, even against seemingly insurmountable odds. Known as "Pioneers of the Zodiac" and possessed of an inexhaustible energy, natives of Aries are always willing to try new things and break new ground. The impulsive Aries subject is often tempted to "ram" his or her ideas down the throats of others. Blunt and to the point, Aries' sheer force of being can accomplish a great deal. Much of this drive is associated with the Cardinal quality assigned with this Zodiac Sign. Cardinal Signs love to get things moving...and Aries individuals probably exemplify this trait better than the rest.

In business, natives of Aries will usually find success, provided that good choices are made and issues are faced squarely. They make excellent salesmen and their drive is invaluable in real estate, banking, insurance and other financial fields. Professionally, they are fine actors, capable lawyers, doctors and statemen. They are also drawn with some success to literary and artistic work. Aries subjects also make for good athletes and climbers. They excel as explorers...of new ideas, as well as of unchartered territory...which makes them particularly good candidates in the field of outer space adventuring. A military career is often a favored choice of Aries natives, although they make for awkward subordinates and are poor followers, frequently unwilling to obey or submit to directions for which they can see no reason, or with which they disagree.
Mentally, Aries individuals are intellectual and objective although, in rare instances, they can become bigoted and extremist, especially when it comes to religion and politics. They are quick-witted but sometimes foolhardy and over-optimistic, lacking thoroughness and the ability to evaluate difficulties regarding the undertakings into which they often rush impulsively. The great need of Aries subjects is to exercise self-control and to discipline the qualities and tendencies of their character to the advantage...and not the detriment...of the society in which they move. Committed to an idealistic cause and angrily defending the underdog, both the male and female Aries will fight for what he or she believes to be an injustice and will not be bashful about voicing personal opinions. In fact, Aries subjects prefer to take the lead in conversations. Keen, creative and hightly adaptive, they are also impetuous and headstrong and the Ruling Planet of Mars adds an aggressive touch to an already active and ambitious nature.

This Sign represents birth and new beginnings. People who fall under the jurisdication of Aries are typically full of creative energy and enthusiasm with a great inner drive, which is expressed through action, to prove themselves. They are constantly seeking experiences which give them the opportunity to prove they are the best. There is little timidity to be found in Aries individuals...like the Ram, they are confident "doers" who frequently forge ahead regardless of the consequences. However, this impulsive behavior can sometimes lead to problems because such persons tend to leap before they look. Natives of Aries are not afraid to take risks or gamble in order to have their way. If their impulsive drives can be tempered, then they will accomplish much and become successful leaders. They constantly seek to be the best at whatever they do and would rather have fame and fortune than material wealth. Aries indiviudals are willing to sacrifice time, money and even their lives for those they love. They want to believe the best of everyone, but are not always the best judges of character.
Aries individuals possess the drive to make a lot of money, but they can also waste their opportunities through recklessness. They are often more ostentatious than their budgets will allow and tend to fritter away money that they can ill afford to lose. An impatience for riches often leads Aries subjects into schemes which are unsound or fraudulent. Those who are successful are usually the ones who have managed to control their rashness and have the patience to take their time in order to do things properly.

The Aries personality craves independence and often seeks out positions of authority. Optimism is a major part of this personality and it is far from easy to discourage any Aries native from a task that he or she has begun. These persons are, however, notorious for failing to finish what they start. The high-spirited nature of Aries subjects is extremely contagious and they are seldom daunted by fear of failure. At their best, these are noble, pioneering, adventurous, competitive, impulsive, courageous, independent, dynamic and quick individuals. At their worst, they can be domineering, quick-tempered, willful, arrogant, self-centered and intolerant. Born leaders, Aries subjects delight in being where the action is. They are direct and forceful, enthusiastic and impulsive, eager and impatient. They like to do things their own way and resent interference from others. This can make them appear insensitive and rude. Yet, strangely enough, sooner or later, most people will give in to the Aries native, usually because they come to realize that he or she is perhaps better suited than most to be the leader...chiefly due to the fact that the physical and moral courage of this particular Zodiac Sign is counted among its most outstanding characteristics. Although the Aries generosity can, in many ways, be overwhelming, the general attitude is not one of tolerance. Those who fall under the jurisdiction of Aries will go straight to the heart of a matter, accomplishing goals far quicker than anyone else. This can make them impatient with those who do not possess such a direct approach. However, on the other hand, if Aries subjects perceive somebody to be in need of help, then they will do everything in their power to ease the burden. Consequently, those persons governed by Aries display a great interest in charitable work or voluntary work concerning the welfare of others...of course, it goes without saying that they must be allowed to carry out this work in the way they wish to do so.

Aries individuals will never go unnoticed in life and are almost certain to realize their ambitions. Nevertheless, there are numerous pitfalls in the path of this Sign, many put there by the very nature of Aries itself. Aries natives would be wise to recognize these pitfalls and act for the best. Though quick and clever, the impulsive character of Aries subjects (and the inability to be tactful in a subtle manner) might lead to them verbally express more than was intended on occasion. Though quick to anger, those ruled by Aries are also quick to get over the outburst, for these are self-confident and positive individuals who are guided by flashes of intuition and irresistable impulse. Above all, Aries natives need to guard against obstinacy and try to cure a tendency to dislike admitting when they are in the wrong. If he or she has the strength to overcome such failings, then there is every reason to believe that the ambitions of the Aries individuals will be realized and, in the long run, happiness will remain intact.
The symbol of Aries...the Ram...when meeting an obstacle, butts into it and knocks it down. So it is with those born under this Zodiac Sign. They will never admit defeat, believing that what refuses to yield to persuasion will surely yield to force. Because of this, Aries individuals may be given many pioneering tasks in life. However, they must beware of championing lost causes. That having been said, it is also quite likely that their energy will most probably carry them through troubles and difficulties which could appear insurmountable to others.

The secret fear of Aries subjects is that they will not be liked or valued. In general, however, this is a healthy Sign complete with natural warmth and enthusiasm which stimulates those around them to take up new interests, while bestowing upon others a sense of their own leadership.

The Male

The Aries male is exciting, seldom dull and plans carefully for the future. Ambitious and hardworking, these individuals are ruled by the planet Mars and there is usually no holding an Aries man. Perhaps the most irritating fault of this male is his way of being contradictary, for he is usually very knowledgeable and heaven help anyone who gets their facts wrong. As an extremely masculine-oriented person, he looks for a mate who is "all female." Although he wants a girl who is intelligent, he does not want one who will "wear the trousers." Sometimes, there is simply no pleasing the Aries man, but he is very romantic at heart and once he has made his selection for a partner tends to remain constant and true. Marriage to an Aries male is wonderful...assuming the chosen woman can stand the pace. He prefers an honest approach and will immediately see through any pretence. First and foremost a creature of the body, the Aries male is strong and energetic with good posture, an erect carriage and irresistible sex appeal. He is a stylish creature and would never be caught dead in last season's fashions. The Aries man tends to fear the infirmity of age and the inevitability of death. Thus, he exudes an air of total self-assurance in order to compensate for this.

As a sweetheart, the Aries man desires to be the center of his loved one's attention and will most probably take it for granted that he already is. He will usually have a lot of women around him, with whom any potential mate will have to compete. He is fond of fun and can be charming when the mood strikes him. Flattery works with the Arian male because he can take any amount, provided he does not suspect that it is simply "a line." Once the Aries male is truly in love, he leaves no doubt as to his feelings. He is unlikely to be impressed simply by physical appearances. Intellectual stimulation is important to him and he is particularly taken with those who share his cultural interests. In the role of husband, he will be warm-hearted and virile, but prone to be somewhat "bossy." At home, he likes to be waited on hand-and-foot but, in return, stands always ready to fight for the best on behalf of his family. As a parent, he is a strict disciplinarian.

The Aries male is a man who is constantly in a hurry and one with his sights set on the future. In order to get along with him, it is necessary to fall in delightedly with all his plans and be ready to bestow flattery. He likes his women to dress in a feminine and pretty way, but they must be prepared to be thoroughly masculine in their attitude toward some aspects of life, such as driving the car, writing a letter of complaint or running a house or career. Above all else, he cannot stand muddle or fuss. To keep an Aries man happy, it is necessary to be totally organized. Though not afraid to take the initiative, this male does expect some backup from others should a conflict arise. He will win by any means necessary, but seldom stoops to trickery...he has a very strong sense of fair play.

The men of this Zodiac Sign make excellent lawyers and judges for their sense of justice and equality keeps them free from personal prejudice. Their arguments, being very sound and to the point, tend to carry much weight. They are also naturally gifted with a liberal amount of talent along architectural and inventive lines, as well as being lovers of science, art and music. Being self-assertive and a magnificent conversationalist, the Aries male possesses keen foresight and makes for a fine clerk, traveling salesman, speculator, banker or broker. No matter what the choice of employment, however, the Aries man, as a general rule, will be enthusiastic about the selected career and show a great determination to succeed. In the world of business, Aries males display wonderful push and energy. Being both venturesome and ambitious, they should associate themselves with those of a more conservative temperament who, while appreciating such inherent qualities, will serve to restrain the impulsive Aries tendency to leap before investigating the situation.

Aries males are usually quite successful in dealing with real estate for they are good financers, being keen and instinctively aware of potential opportunities. Cunning and shrewd, Aries men have a talent for money-making to a large degree, although they lack the ability to save any great amounts during the course of their lives. The Aries male is progressive and quick to demonstrate his ability to do good work. Thus, he tends to gain rapid promotion. The Aries nature is generally too enterprising in character for mechanical pursuits and there is unlikely to be much chance of success in any area which involves attention to detail. The Aries man refuses to submit to the dictates of others and may be aggressive and arbitrary when dealing with those who fall under his supervision. In other words, this male has a rather unpleasant habit of treating other human beings as though they were objects to be possessed.

Love

When they so desire, natives of Aries can be very charming and virtually irresistible to the opposite sex. However, individuals governed by this Sign need to harness their powerful energies...or at least rein them in a little...so those with whom they would like to spend time are not overwhelmed by their advances. Aries will assume the role of motivator in a relationship and the driving force compels those who fall under its jurisdiction to assume the leading light in any cooperative venture. Indeed, sometimes it almost appears as though Aries subjects want to defeat their partners instead of love them. Romantically enthusiastic and adventurous, these natives will always want to push physical pleasure to new plateaus and their partners can occasionally be overwhelmed by such a spirited approach. The Aries sexuality is driven, powerful and akin to a feat of showmanship when these individuals are truly captivated. This Sign is by nature the show-off of the Zodiac and performance in the bedroom is no exception. Aries subjects will be dramatic, captivating and sure to get a partner's undivided attention. The more appreciated these natives feel, then the more they will invest in their romantic overtures. Much pampering and an abundance of attention will be needed with an Aries sweetheart, since this is a soul who thrives on feeling that he or she is number one in the life of a loved one. Those ruled by Aries will do the initial chasing and while not usually attracted to being chased themselves, will happily accept overdone displays of affection one their hearts have been given. There is a tendency here toward jealousy and possessiveness, but a potential partner will need to avoid showing the same qualities since any form of clinging is sure to drive the Aries individual in search of fresh pastures. Still, beneath all the Aries bravado and show actually lurks a somewhat innocent child who simply wants to explore the wonderful world and be appreciated.

Despite the passionate nature and gift for loving deeply, Aries natives seldom wear their hearts on their sleeves. Indeed, they may not be good at expressing their love in words...but they do relish hearing such endearments from their loved ones and can listen to declarations of undying affection and everlasting fidelity with the utmost appreciation. Perhaps the greatest weakness of an Aries individual in love is the tendency to cross-examine and ask too many questions. Although these are not souls normally in the habit of mincing their words, it will be necessary to employ tact or even keep silent if things get out of hand. By being more toleratant, Aries subjects can find greater happiness. It will also be necessary for those ruled by this Sign to share the power in a relationship, remembering to ask advice, to discuss and to consult. All too often, Aries individuals forget to do this and are later surprised when any resentment arises.
Being aggressive, action-oriented, often impatient and at times, even a little impulsive, Aries natives find any sort of delay or postponement almost impossible to bear...at the very least, they are adverse to waiting. Thus, a potential partner must always timely follow through with whatever is promised and never stand too firmly in the way of these individuals as they move headlong through life. These are souls normally regarded as being rather combative and will relish a challenge or dare. However, it must be remembered that they only enjoy those contests and battles in which they win or are relatively certain that the odds are stacked in their favor. If they suspect that any challenger is more expert than they are, then no contest will take place. They will simply not find the time or make up another excuse, but will never admit the real reason for the decline....that they are afraid they might lose. Hence, any potential partner would be well-advised to allow the Aries native to win often and never force him or her to compete when there is an obvious reluctantance to engage in a fight. In short, it will be necessary to allow those ruled by this Sign to save face. Those governed by this Sign will certainly lose interest in any potential partner if they cannot be "firstest with the mostest." For example, they dislike anyone seeing and then talking about a movie before they themselves have seen it, or when anyone gets in front of them in any way...whether it be financially, educationally or emotionally, or even if someone gets in front of them in a line or when walking. That having been said, these natives are not necessarily adverse to a partner forging ahead of them in some areas of life, as long as that partner refrains from boasting or bragging about the greater achievements within their hearing. While there is a tendency here to quickly forgive, subjects of Aries seldom forget any type of put-down or the fact that they have not been regarded sufficiently praiseworthy to be at the very top of any loved one's admiration list.

When it comes to long term commitments, Aries individuals rarely meet partners who truly understand their temperament. The romantic nature here tends to be very intense, with both the males and females craving sympathy and affection more than anything else...but these are more affectionate souls than ones who are passionate. It is important for Aries natives to learn self-control or much trouble and annoyance are likely to be the bane of any long term partnership. Unfortunately, if the life of an individual governed by this Sign is not marred in an extended relationship, it most likely will be later by children or relatives. Romantic longevity is a precarious venture for those ruled by Aries. Although these persons are ideal companions in a general way, they know little of the more exalted phases of domestic affection.

============================

The Aries male will undoubtedly be a rash and impetuous individual, impulsive in love affairs and marriage...as he is with everything. He is likely to fall in love easily and will give all of himself at the moment, but will never be the "hopeless romantic." He is exciting, dynamic, creative, never dull and usually youthful in looks. Being inherently dominant, he often seeks out someone of a weaker nature...someone he can impress and protect with his so very masculine qualities. Attracted by beauty and apparent helplessness, the Aries man needs a mate who will be content to play second fiddle, remaining in the background where due admiration can be paid to this male's prowess and ability. In short, the Aries man expects adoration from his partner. Unlikely to yield or back down in any fight or contest, this male is both fearless and courageous. While he will not foolishly seek out a quarrel, once in one he will be there to win and should he happen to lose, his disappointment will be great. Although rarely revengeful, the Aries male does not easily forgive a wrong. Adventurous and active, this man possesses strong willpower but can be overly-generous with his time, money and possessions...while, at other times he can be incredibly intolerant, selfish and demanding. He has a natural ability to lead others, but the chief fault here lies in his own inconsistency. In order to be happy with an Aries man, it will be necessary to allow him to believe that he is "lord and master." He must be given plenty of reason to be proud of his partner, who will be expected to do everything both quickly and well...particularly if such adds to his prestige. It will be important not to command or quarrel with this man in order to make him recognize his own shortcomings...it is best to appeal to his sympathetic and better judgment. Another important factor for any potential partner to consider is that, for some unknown reason, the Aries male harbors a tremendous fear of being alone. Because he desires the means by which he can express himself, he will constantly seek the companionship of others. However, those being sought are rarely on this man's own level...almost anyone who helps to inflate the ego will be readily accepted. Thus, in terms of relationships, the demands of the Aries male to insist upon a partner who is simply around all the time can prove to be quite exhausting. If any potential mate finds it impossible to keep up with this man and his endless energy or if he believes the relationship is not working, then he is likely to end the affair rather quickly, anxious to start another without looking back. That having been said, the Aries male is very faithful when he finds his true love. However, he enjoys the chase as much as the catch and in order to achieve romantic success with this man, it will be important for any potential mate to be outgoing, independent, possess a sense of adventure and keep just that little bit ahead of him.

Ambitious, hardworking and successful, there is little that can hold the male ruled by Aries. Probably his most irritating fault is contradiction. This man knows a lot and heaven help anyone who gets the facts wrong. He is able to plan for the future with exciting and progressive ideas. Sometimes, there is no pleasing this male, but he is very romantic at heart once he has made up his mind on a mate, will be constant and true. This man will always want to be the center of his loved one's attention and probably take it for granted that he is. Flattery works with the Aries male and he can consume large amounts, provided he does not expect that it is a line. Once in love, he will leave no doubt regarding his feelings. This is a man who is warm-hearted and virile, but also somewhat bossy. He likes to be waited on hand and foot but in return, is ready and willing to fight for the best for his partner, children and family. For a relationship to last, it will be necessary for any partner to allow the Aries male to believe he is lord and master. It will also be important for a partner to give the Aries man plenty of reasons to be proud of what that partner accomplishes. Things he expects to be done should be done quickly and well, particularly if they add to his prestige. It is useless to try and make the Aries male see his shortcomings by way of commands or quarreling...appeals should always be made to his sympathetic side and his better judgment. In addition, he detests muddle or fuss, so any prospective partner must be organized.

turion at 12:09

Sunday, June 18, 2006

[180606] Jaded

No no, not the song by Aerosmith, just feel jaded (definition - Worn out; wearied) of late... feeling very drained... mentally, emotionally and physically... i really need some other activities other than sleeping and working...

Corrine May - Save Me

I drift, I burn, I fly
When you sing lullabies
I'm helpless, I'm yearning
I'm like the putty in your hands

I laugh, I dream, I cry
When you take me on a roller coaster ride
You see me through and through
You see just who i am
Just take my hand and

Save me from this place
Heaven knows I'm falling
For you, my sweet embrace
Heaven Knows
Heaven knows I've been waiting for you

I had a dream that i was falling from the sky
At 90 miles an hour
I was bound to crash and die
But out of nowhere you came and rescued me
There must be some grace in the touch of your face
I'm so happy that I've found you
I'm no longer afraid

Oh ' cause you
Save me from this place
Heaven knows i'm falling
For you my sweet embrace
Heaven knows
Heaven knows I've been waiting

Before i met you
Life was slow-mo
So slow-mo
I thought i had it figured out
But you came and turned my whole world upside down

Save me from this place
Heaven knows I'm falling
For you, my sweet embrace
Heaven knows
Heaven knows you've come to

Save me from this place
Heaven knows I'm falling
For you, my sweet embrace
Heaven Knows
Heaven knows I've been waiting for you
Waiting for you

turion at 12:50

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

[140606] Changes

"It's a short trip from riding the waves of change to being torn apart by the waves of defeat"

"When the winds of change blow hard enough, the most trivial of things can turn into deadly projectiles"

Changes sometimes can breathe fresh life into an environment and yet for some people who are resistant to changes, this could be a time of frustration and anxiety. I am perhaps one of those people who dislike changes (drastic ones) for suddenly i find myself in unfamiliar territory and yet again, the learning curve and adaption curve must be put into place again. Changes arent all bad, yet they arent all good either. My philosphy regarding change is if it aint broke, dont fix it

Some may argue that without change, there can be no improvements and yet when we consider the contrasting points, familiarity breeds a sense of confidence and feeling of calm and while some may argue that familiarity might also breed complacency, i feel to a certain extend, people work best in places and environments that they are comfortable with.

I've both heard and seen for myself how the change of management often influences the staff/subordinates of a workplace. The incoming management will in most cases make certain drastic changes in the way the workplace is run and many of the staff having been in their comfort zones and having adapted and familiarised with a certain way of working may suddenly find themselves under intense scrutiny by the new management and may suddenly find everything to be confusing and strange. I find myself in the current predicament.

Though i've been working for only 2 odd months, work has become to a certain extend a familiar flow of events and things but with the new manager coming in, things have gotten a little tense especially when he openly mentioned his displeasure at the kitchen staff with whom many of the staff are very close with, it touched a raw nerve with most of the staff there. The changes have already began with the change in the layout of the bar counter and work procedures and amid the changes, certain degrees of displeasure can already be seen from my colleagues. I cant help but feel a sense of resentment and anger towards the new manager.

I know it's not good a judge a person by rumours or stories from other people but when they are enough stories that goes around, it shows to a certain degree that perhaps some of the stories maybe really true. Of the 6 brown shirts (management) currently stationed in the outlet, there're only 2 that i truly enjoy my time working with and honestly respect. Dez and Siti, both work hard, hand in hand with the crew and can always be counted on during slam time. Of the remaining 4, one is still new so i shall reserve my judgement but the remaining 3 are perhaps people i would not prefer to work with during peak periods. Heard and experienced for myself that suddenly they would magically 'disappear' from the workplace like using a smokescreen. Ninjas, these people are known as as Dharman informed me the other day.

Oh well, with change comes uncertainty and a period of unrest. I foresee a tense environment as compared to the more laid back and casual and fun working environment in the past though the past was not more than 2, 3 weeks ago. As a junior staff working in any workplace, we are not given a revenue for our thoughts to be aired nor our greviences if any, that is the fate of any working person. We are the backbone and the frontline in work, yes. But we are also expendable as the many who have come and gone would testify to. If you arent happy or cant adapt or learn, you're always free to leave for at the end of the day, there'll always be people who are being lined up to take over your role.

What's the morale of the story?

Simple.

LLST.

"Notice that the stiffest tree is most easily cracked, while the bamboo or willow survives by bending with the wind."

"Empty your mind, be formless, shapeless - like water. Now you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup, you put water into a bottle, it becomes the bottle, you put it in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Now water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend.”

turion at 10:36

Sunday, June 11, 2006

[110606] O Bar

Met up with Blackie, JJ, Fox & YF yesterday after work and went to O bar, the bar below Double O... quite an alright place to chill and hang out but maybe the smoke's too thick for my liking... R n B was on but I dont dance so just sat on the couch and enjoyed my jug of vodka redbull while alternating my attention between some guys playing pool and the ladies on the dance floor... heh... well, it's only normal.. better than having me check out if there are any cute guys on the dance floor right??

Left around 3+ as the place started to close and wind down and proceeded to have bak kut teh and chatted a while before walking down to MoS to show Blackie where it was... took a cab back to Yishun prata place and basically chilled... came home at six and i was back up at eight to head off to work... haha... kinnda stoned right now after only having 2 hours of sleep... kinnda reminds me of the days of ATCs where all the CIs only sleep 1 or 2 hours the night before and were up again to conduct the day's activities...

work passed kinnda fast today.. nothing much to mention for work.. work is well... erm.. work.. haha.. bored bored bored bored...

England won 1-0, disappointly through an own goal... while T & B drew with Sweden... so England heads her group with 3 points... looking good thus far, feel kinnda detached from the world cup right now.. i've yet to catch any of the matches... kinnda tired as well.. oh well, work first, social life later...

oh this is my 100th post by the way.. hooray to me.. yeah... *yawnz*

turion at 17:33

Saturday, June 10, 2006

[100606] Logic vs Emotions

Logic: The study of the principles of reasoning, especially of the structure of propositions as distinguished from their content and of method and validity in deductive reasoning.

Emotion: A mental state that arises spontaneously rather than through conscious effort and is often accompanied by physiological changes; a feeling

Logic vs emotions, the epic battle between the heart & the brain... Logic provides a safer route one in which there will be no hope and disappointment yet one cant help but know that the consequences is the continued exsistance of the void within. Emotion provides a riskier route one in which there is much hope with feelings attached but at the end offers everything that one could hope for...

Logic says it's impossible but yet the emotions sways and dreams of possibilities that could be... to quote, "people see things and ask why? but I see things that never were and say, why not?" and yet we all know that to dream the impossible is to allow for the smallest glint of hope to be imbedded in one's heart and mind allowing for the ultimate feeling of dread and defeat when yet again, that hope is dashed. People say "Nothing's impossible, the impossible just takes a longer time." but i say "Dreams are like rainbows. Only idiots chase them." and for all the times in which I had the delusions, a sobering thought in, "There is no greater joy than soaring high on the wings of your dreams, except maybe the joy of watching a dreamer who has nowhere to land but in the ocean of reality."

People ask me why I am the way I am, it's so that when I fall, it wont hurt as much... It could be that the purpose of your life is only to serve as a warning to others so always remember while some people dream of success, there're always other people that live just to crush those dreams...

turion at 14:56

Thursday, June 08, 2006

[070606] So, when are you going in?

Pleasantly pleased with the 3B01 gathering turnout today... expected the usual gang for gatherings to turn up but saw Celine, Qiu Mei, Amy and even Zhong Cheng! The largest class gathering to date with mut, gracie, hz, yok, bc, big grace, ph, px, sh and me rounding up the entire gathering.. 14 pax in total!! wow... shld get grace to organise more gatherings... must be her 'charm' that got so many of us down today.. lol

Had dinner at billy's bombers... heh.. Seafood combo dinner set... cream of chicken soup, milk shake and a scoop of Ben & Jerry's ice cream... darn full after eating.. as usual all the talk centered around updating one another on what's been happening since school ended... as the title of the post suggested...

"So, when are you going in?"

The above question turned out to be the most frequently asked amongst ourselves by both the guys and gals and i was asked no less than 8 times tonight with the first asked less than 2 minutes after i met up with the group... the honour of asking me the question first fell to Miss Celine Goh... lol... turns out alot of them are going overseas for their studies soon... Joanne, Gracie, Big Grace, Mut... and quite alot of them are slated to start their uni studies in NTU soon... wish u guys bountiful academic successes!

Gracie's going to Russia for holidays soon... such a distant and foreign place.. Russia!? I mean, they speak Russian for crying out loud!! (obviously, they speak Russian... it would be scary if the Russians spoke hokkien.. lol) but i mean, Russia's like not really tourist friendly is it? maybe i've read too many cold war novels... too much distrust towards the Russians.. and Roman Abrahimovic certainly didnt do any good to the Russians' image...

Lost and found is going to Shanghai the day after with her couz and friend i think... 3 gals in a foreign land but supposedly one of the gals stay there so i guess it'll be fun... reminds me of Shanghai Tan the chinese movie... Ye shanghai, Ye shanghai *chuckles* seems everyone is going overseas on a holiday... i also wanna go... sighz... when will my turn come... when are the producers over at moving visuals gonna call us up to finalise our travel details? hmmm... i wonder.... will we be conned out of our trip? But more likely my next 'overseas' trip is over the sea to Pulau Tekong for my 3 months all expenses paid trip under MINDEF's National Service tour package...

Valedictorian, (an anglicized derivation from the Latin vale dicere 'to say farewell') is given to the top graduate of the graduating class of an educational institution. The title comes from the valedictorian's traditional role as the last speaker at the graduation ceremony. The Valedictory Speech - The graduation speech is a closing or farewell statement, address or oration delivered at a graduation ceremony. It is an oration or address spoken at commencement in American high schools, colleges or seminaries by one of the graduating class.
The mode of discourse is generally inspirational and persuasive. The many aims of this address is to thank, to inspire, to affect, and above all to say farewell to high school, college, or the seminary.

Hmm... still pondering over what to say for my Valedictorian speech come Area2's ROD parade... to thank, to inspire, to affect, and above all to say farewell seems like alot of stuff to be cramped into a single speech... i vaguely remember my CI course's Valedictorian speech erm.. more of a graduating speech i guess since R wasnt officially a valedictorian of our batch... but she was known as one of the more outspoken trainees i think... i think i have my first part of my speech prepared... tell me what do you all think... *ah-hem* *clears throat*

"Good evening, Officers, fellow CIs, cadets, ladies and gentlemen..."

turion at 00:04

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

[060606] I need a life...

Well well... look at what we have... June 6th, 2006... 060606 supposedly an inauspicious day... triple six, the number of the beast or satan if you believe in all the rubbish about the number.. i just think it's a pile of bull... oh well.. supposedly, the world ends today.. hmm... *waits, waits* nope.. dun see anything happening..

The closest thing to doomsday was me cutting myself on my right ring and little finger when the aloha glass i was washing suddenly broke... stupid glass, surely some cheapo glass the company bought to save costs forseeing that many glasses will be broken in the duration of work and thus saving on expenses, buying all these cheap glasses that break easily OR maybe im just too strong.. *yea right* haha... didnt know Zie was a graduate of NYP with a diploma in nursing.. kinnda stunned.. lol... and Liang Zhu is currently studying in Nursing.. double stunned... him? a nurse? *shudders* wouldnt want to be his patient... so my outlet officially has 2 first aiders (Maria and me) and 2 nurses! haha.. anybody cut or hurt themselves, have no fear, the AT crew is here! ok, lame.. im just kinnda entertaining myself here.. humour me will ya?

nothing much to blog about these days... Monk just came back from Brunei, Fox's confined in Pulau Tekong looking after his fat boys, Blackie just signed on as a infantry specialist hoping to convert into a Guardsman in the future while JJ is still in camp... haha.. updates on all my brudders.. haven seen Blackie & Monk in a while... managed to meet Fox & JJ for lunch... i woke up at 1134 and was out of the house by 1200, went to meet them for lunch at LJS and then proceeded straight to work... haha.. my house's becoming a place just for me to use the comp and sleep..

OH! OH!

Im featured on the official website of Newcastle United Football Club!! haha... http://www.nufc.premiumtv.co.uk/page/NewsDetail/0,,10278~830752,00.html
go see go see... haha... the feeling's kinnda overwhelming.. to see your face plastered on the screen on a website probably visited by thousands of people everyday! my momentary moment of fame... haha..

I AM ONE HALF OF ASIA'S MOST KNOWLEDGEABLE FAN TEAM

Meeting Siti and Hafez to go bugis to window shop around noon... i know i know, close your mouths people, dun act so shocked... im just accompanying them.. and perhaps i might see something i like... looking for a pair of jeans perhaps.. but wallet's running a bit dry... it's about to concuss and be admitted to ICU soon.. better watch my wallet's health closely especially when im going out with the staff after work later and 3B01 class gathering tomorrow... been such a looooooonnnnnnnngggg time since i actually went out and had fun...

everyone in the outlet seems to know or at least jokes about me not having a life... no night life, no social life, no life, period.

"Have you ever wanted something so badly that it became a need?"

Well have you? Win says i need a girlfriend... i think i just want someone to spend time with...

turion at 01:03

Yesterday's memories

My past